I love you. I am safe with you. Despite this, there is a thirst a hunger, a growing and consuming need to explore. I want to explore myself, my sexuality, friendships, lovers. I don’t want to leave you. I think you and the people that come with you are a positive addition to my life - I would like to keep them there. Yet, I wonder whether, I am afraid that, our love is not enough to accommodate the absolute freedom I seek. Is such unconditional love really possible? What I feel for you right now seems platonic, not necessarily romantic. Then again, I often confuse those two. I look at my friends with the adoration of a lover. It would be so easy to fall into their arms and surrender to the physical intimacy. That does not feel unique or special to romantic relationships. I find this categorization arbitrary - as I ultimately do all categorizations. I want a level of flexibility that I have yet not heard anyone want. It is hard to voice these thoughts. These are not reflections of a past, something I’ve had time to experience and process, these are thoughts about a theoretical future. Something I am living through right now. I am feeling the urge to make my theoretical conundrum a practical one; in order to understand how we could work and what I will feel for them I need to find myself in another relationship. In love with someone else.
Additional information: These are my thoughts I am having in my non-monogamous relationship.