Feeling attached to someone is a hard story. It does truly feel, like the person explains here, to be "attached to you like laces to your shoes". Suddenly every little action and word the other person performs is just an occasion to 'read into things'. The following Think On Ink explains attachment very well, intertwined with lots of questioning, a journey towards the loved one's approval and a journey towards self-compassion. It is a quick, easy and wise read :)
I feel attached to you like laces to your shoes. Or like your stupid perfume sticks to my clothes when you leave. I promise I try to rub it off, I change my clothes, I pretend it’s not there, I shower, I put on different perfumes. Yet there it stays, and the more I perceive it the more I miss the idea of you, yet not you. In the same way, I pretend I can push you away, but the more I do that the more I desire you, or the idea of you.
Sometimes I think too highly of myself, I pride myself of having learnt from past mistakes and of now being free from the shackles of attachment. Yet, I forget I’m still human. That I am not more special than anyone else who’s been socialised like this. That freeing my self-worth from your romantic approval is so fucking hard.
I wonder what is left of us, of me and you, before I decided to embark in this journey towards your approval. I feel lost, confused, I see who I was before I centralised my energies onto you, yet I can’t quite be that person again.
I miss relating to you with a genuine, selfless curiosity. Now that feels so far away. I wonder: when was the last time I asked you if you are happy without putting myself in the equation to your contempt? When’s the last time I inquired what makes you feel alive, without wondering if you feel alive with me? what makes you sad, without trying to fix it; what you want and need from life, without trying to be exactly that.
I feel attached to you like laces to your shoes, the more you pull away the tighter my grip.