I've spent so long in my head since the pandemic began, I've spent 5 months completely alone. In my student accommodation, all my flatmates went home to their family, but I couldn't travel to mine. That first lockdown was 10 weeks without being face to face with someone. In the winter my country went into lockdown, I was living with someone but not someone I'd consider a friend, I can't take my walls down and be myself with him. That was only 3 weeks before I was able to fly to my family for the holidays. I had to return to my home in February, knowing that my roommate wouldn't return until May. This time I could at least attend one university class a week, but still no social life. Another 8 weeks. I've spent so long in my head, cause where else did I have. I've spoken to myself so much, cause who else could I talk to. I've overthought everything, and now I can't communicate those thoughts. I'm worried that I'm now becoming someone I wouldn't have if it weren't for this isolation, and I don't know how to feel about it. On one hand, I feel as though my communication skills don't work the same. My walls are up, I'm worried what people might think in a way I never used to be. I worry about how I will form new relationships in my future, I've not made a single friend in the city I've lived in for 18 months. I have close friends, people I really do trust, but we are separated by distance. On the other hand, I feel more confident in my understanding of self than I ever have. Although I'm anxious about what others might think of me, I have a very clear understanding of who I am, and that makes it all feel worth it. Beforehand I feel like I was influenced a lot by what's happening and who's around me, especially in my teen years. But now I feel confident in my choices being mine, my beliefs being mine, me being my own self, and I'm grateful for that. I'm grateful and I'm proud that I've been able to take something positive away from an experience I hated having.

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