Expression and suppression are two constructs that are often thought as the two sides of the same coin, even though they are found to be quite distinct in research. This means that in relationships, even close and romantic ones, both play a role in relationship satisfaction and feelings of relatedness. Expression, in particular, is really important because otherwise guilt may appear. Sacrifice is also connected with expression and suppression and is found that when it comes naturally in relationships it can even boost life satisfaction!
The article will cover the following points:
- Expression, Suppression & Self- Criticism
- Are Suppression & Expression Distinct Emotional Regulation Processes?
- Sacrifice in Romantic Relationships as a Means of Suppression
- Closing Remarks
Expression, Suppression and Self- Criticism
In relationships, people tend to be self- critical [1]. Being self critical used to play a vital role for survival back in the days where people were organized in tribes. Self monitoring, for example, helped in the past and still does at repeating one’s mistakes, and self criticism at hiding perceived flaws from others. People therefore helped each other at this self monitoring process, and as self-criticism emerged it had a very important social function, that of creating feelings of belongingness. However, nothing is perfect in this world, you know that, so even if self- critical monitoring appears as helpful, there is research suggesting that highly self-critical individuals experience more negative interpersonal outcomes. One aspect deriving from this idea is that highly self- critical individuals experience more impairment in romantic relationships, more loneliness and less relationship satisfaction from their partners.
The research on behaviors that lead to negative interpersonal consequences for self- critical people is limited. Luoma and Chwl (2020) [1] tried to explore the connection between self- criticism and expressive suppression, emotion expression and self- concealment. These three behaviors communicate one level of emotional openness to others. So, they based their study on a model that theorizes that self- criticism may end in interpersonal behavior that elicits rejection and ostracism from others, thus confirming the person’s self perception as undesirable and not good enough (read it again if unclear ;)) . Their results showed that self- criticism is associated with greater expressive suppression, reduced expression of positive emotion and more self concealment. Additionally, the expression of positive emotion mediates the relationship between self- criticism and belonging.
To summarize what said so far in one sentence and to give you some advice as well: self- criticism is okay and helps maintain social structures that are otherwise needed, but at the same time can impair emotional expression and lead to emotion suppression. So, try to not be too harsh on yourself with your partner, as your relationship may then suffer due to a lack of belongingness.
Are Suppression & Expression Distinct Emotional Regulation Processes?
Theory and research in social psychology usually create an assumption that suppression and expression are the two opposite sides of the same coin construct [2]. However, both concepts can be found independently and also have different influences on the interpersonal and intrapersonal experiences of individuals. In their study, Cameron and Overall (2018) assessed the personal and interpersonal consequences of daily emotional suppression and expression within romantic and close relationships.
They found that [2] when people suppressed their emotions, they experienced more intrapersonal costs like greater depressed feelings, fatigue, lower self-esteem and lower life satisfaction. Interpersonally, people also felt less accepted from others, more distant from others and reported lower relationship satisfaction. On the other hand, people that were emotionally expressive in their daily lives experienced more interpersonal benefits like greater acceptance from others, greater relatedness and relationship satisfaction, along with less distancing. Across time, people that were emotionally expressive enjoyed higher self-esteem and relationship satisfaction.
In general, to simplify things, suppression is associated with interpersonal and intrapersonal costs and expression with benefits! A question worth trying to answer is whether these two are distinct, so for example whether the costs of suppression are solely because of low levels of expression, or whether the benefits of expression are just because of low levels of suppression. Imagine it as a scale with two sides: when one is heavier (lower), the other is lighter thus (higher).
In his study, Cameron and Overall (2018) theorized that these concepts tey are distinct and examined that. Indeed, the results offered proof for this, exactly as explained above.
All in all, the take-home message is that suppression and expression are distinct both on the intrapersonal and interpersonal level, thus they are distinct emotional regulation processes. This does not mean that we should exclude one or the other when studying romantic or close relationships. We should simply keep in mind that it is important to exhibit expression in our relationships with others in order to feel more accepted and related to others. It is also interesting to mention that since both constructs assume a social environment, it is advisable to examine them within the context of naturally occurring relationship interactions as this might reveal more down to earth results concerning relational dynamics!
Sacrifice in Romantic Relationships as a Means of Suppression
It is true that relationships nowadays are maintained with a lot of effort by both sides and this effort most of the time hides the word ‘’sacrifices’’ behind it [3]. Partners choose to do this in order to increase the other’s well- being or the well- being of the relationships itself.
There are many types of sacrifices, from small ones to huge ones, like one running for errands to give their partner time to rest, from choosing to buy a house to stay together. Sacrifice is inevitable of course, but not all sacrifices are equal. We say this because it is not uncommon for people to sacrifice too far, too much, and then regretting it or feeling guilty afterwards. One (unhealthy) way to regulate these emotions is emotional suppression.
A study by Impett et al., (2012) [3] examined exactly these costs that emotional suppression creates due to sacrifices in relationships. There is another parameter worth mentioning here. How authentic or not are these sacrifices? Because when these sacrifices are not an authentic reflection of the true self of the partner, then they may suffer from emotional and relationship costs. Suppression from sacrifices made in everyday life interfered with relationship closeness: when people suppressed their emotions both partners felt less satisfied and experienced more conflict in their relationships. Additionally, the more people suppressed their emotions and made daily sacrifices (e.g. giving up spending time with their own friends), the more negative emotions and poorer satisfaction with life both partners experience daily.
From this study, it was clear that sacrifice with and without suppression shaped the quality of romantic relationships in daily life. Both partners experienced lower emotional well- being and relationship quality on days with sacrifice and high suppression than on days when no sacrifices were made. A last point to be made is that ‘’suppressing emotions during sacrifice predicted decreases in relationship satisfaction and increases in thoughts about breaking up with one’s romantic partner 3 months later’’ [3]. Overall, we know that each and everyone makes sacrifices when in a romantic relationship, but sometimes it’s good to think about it twice before doing so. Always be sure that it is what you really wanted to do!
Closing Remarks
I would like to close this article by mentioning two more things. Not in great detail though… because I promise to write a follow up article on them in the upcoming future as I find them really interesting and worth sharing.
- Suppression and expression of emotions are not only emotional regulation processes, and are not only distinct as we read above. They are closely related with attachment styles and trust as well. Notably, trust is an important predictor of who suppresses their emotions during sacrifice. The results of a study tell us [4] that people with low trust in their partners suppressed their emotions when making a sacrifice, and this leads to less satisfaction with the outcome of sacrifice. This is really important because not only do we see that trust is a factor that manipulates the emotional suppression in a relationship, but also the feeling of sacrifices as well.
- My final comment would then be, try to generally promote trust in your life, also with family friends, teachers, even strangers at this point, because this would facilitate your feelings of suppression and not only in your romantic relationships ;)
References:
- Luoma, J.B., Chwyl, C. Interpersonal mechanisms for the maintenance of self-criticism: Expressive suppression, emotion expression, and self-concealment. Curr Psychol (2020). https://doi-org.eur.idm.oclc.org/10.1007/s12144-020-00920-z
- Cameron, L. D. & Overall, N. C. (2018). Suppression and Expression as Distinct Emotion-Regulation Processes in Daily Interactions. Emotion, 18 (4), 465-480. doi: 10.1037/emo0000334.
- Impett, E. A., Kogan, A., English, T., John, O., Oveis, C., Gordon, A. M., & Keltner, D. (2012). Suppression Sours Sacrifice. Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, 38(6), 707–720. doi:10.1177/0146167212437249
10.1177/0146167212437249
- Righetti, F., Balliet, D., Visserman, M., & Hofmann, W. (2015). Trust and the Suppression of Emotions During Sacrifice in Close Relationships. Social Cognition, 33(5), 505–519. doi:10.1521/soco.2015.33.5.505
10.1521/soco.2015.33.5.505