This article will cover the following points:

• Consent: what is it?
• Is consent gender neutral?
• The nature of consent

Consent: What is it?

Most of the time, consent is taken for granted. Many scholars are making the same mistake over and over again, by not defining sexual consent in scientific articles or university lecture halls, confusing not only students, but everyone else too. Understandably, consent can be hard and tricky to define, since no one has access to private details of others’ sexual experiences and, talking about sex boundaries with a freshly acquainted partner can be considered a taboo.

Conceptualizations around consent are very diverse. So far, scholars have describe consent as “any agreement to participate in sex’’, which is what many of us all tend to think of as well [1]. However, consent is much more complex, and interwoven with other concepts that make it hard to pinpoint it. Also, it is very important to keep in mind that many definitions  exclude and fail to account for situations where coercion or physical abuse take place [1]. These are some of the most prominent views of what consent is: 

• A physical act - acting in an indicative way that shows your agreement with participating in a sexual act, for example unbuttoning your shirt [1]. However, can an an action like unbuttoning one’s shirt be considered as consent for sex?
• A verbal act - a spoken permission / an agreement expressed clearly with words. 
• A spontaneous concept -  a “spontaneous” view treats consent as something that is adopted by its common meaning, without reflecting on the cultural, historical or social forces that generated those meanings. As a consequence, people are left to figure out its meaning by themselves, leaving open interpretation to something that should leave NO space to interpretation. For example, a spontaneous view of consent if that of assuming that consent is given by a submissive group to the dominant one (i.e., the notion that women give consent to men and not vice versa).
• A free choice - the possibility of expressing (verbally or behaviorally) one’s true willingness or desire to partake in a sexual act. This accounts for those situations in which people may give consent simply because they are coerced into and feel as if they have no other choice; under these circumstances, this “consent” is not considered genuine consent. 
• A moral transformation - it turns an immoral act or potential crime into a moral, enjoyable experience. However, this is quite pessimistic: it assumes that sex starts off as something morally problematic, while it might not necessarily be the case! [1]

All of these definitions can sound confusing, incomplete or even wrong, especially given the extremely personal nature of sexual consent. This brings us to a desperate call to sociologists, anthropologists, psychologists and activists, to dive into the conceptualization of consent. Hopefully, a more stable definition of consent will shed light on critical matters such as sexual abuse, harassments and unconsesual sexual experiences, while paving the way to a more sexually-safe and pleasurable environment.

Unfortunately, after a poll that we conducted on our instagram account @shrinkitout, we found out that around 76% of the people responding have experienced incidents in their lives where they struggled saying “no” before engaging in sexual acts. By seeing this among a small community like that of Shrink it Out, it makes the discussion on sexual consent even more relevant. Shocking is the fact that a topic like consent is not discussed and acted upon in everyday life. 

Is Consent Gender Neutral?

Even though there is a significant underreporting of cases concerning sexual assaults, the majority are female individuals, but very rarely males [3]. In fact females are most likely to find themselves in non-consensual situations and to be victims of forced sex or other kinds of sexual violences. Indeed, it is important to recognize how most of the discussions on sexual consent evolve mostly around a deeply gendered notion: women offer consent to men [1]. This outrageous, implied norm, not only perpetuates the notion that women are the “givers” and men the “takers” of consent, immediately positioning the latter in a superior role of power, but also it completely excludes the reverse! In fact, men suffer from sexual assaults, verbal harassments and rape as well, and it is unfair to assme that their consent is obvious, or that they do not have the urge to communicate their consent. Therefore, we should focus on sexual consent regardless of the gender or sex of its participants, but rather as an absolute rule to be respected at all times. Moreover, there is a great lack of research and interest in non-stereotypical sexual relationships, including homosexual activities, sex with multiple partners, or sex among the LGBTQA+ community.

Afterall, I would like to imagine a world where mutual consent is freely given and respected.

The Nature of Consent

Frustratingly enough, many authors use the term “sexual consent’’ to distinguish good from bad sex, pleasurable from unpleasurable, and morally unproblematic from morally problematic [1]. These boundaries are so vague and only increase the level of confusion. If consent were this easy to delineate, then people would not hesitate to answer questions like was it good? was it pleasurable? was it making love?. Also, identifying a consensual at versus a non-consensual act would be incredibly straightforward! As you can suspect though, there is bad or unpleasurable consensual sex, consensual sex outside of marriage is considered morally problematic by some, or in certain cases, victims of sexual abuse report feeling pleasure during a non consensual sexual act, which only increases their shame, and decreases their credibility. Perhaps, in a parallel universe making love is automatically consensual and thus distinguishable from criminal acts, but in our reality we need a concrete definition and clear boundaries of the nature of consent. Let’s hope that we are not far from that!

As previously mentioned, consent is a topic that people assume they share an understanding for. They tend to forget however, the societal powers that are in play [1,4]. Patriarchal systems place men above women, and thus causes some women to feel coerced into giving consent many of the times, which preserves societal roles and norms. Besides patriarchy, another societal influence is that of hegemonic heteronormative discourses [4], beliefs that are rooted in a power-oriented system, supporting the dominance of one sex over the other as well as condemning homosexual activities, as it assumes hetero-acts are the only order. This recalls the view of spontaneous consent: people integrate in their lives the concept of  consent for what it appears to be on the surface, while ignoring its implications [2]. All in all, these considerations deeply shape the nature of consent, affecting the way men and women behave during sexual situations, what they think is right and wrong, and what freedom or rights they believe to have.

It is clear that sexual consent can be manifested either freely, be ‘’forced’’ socially, be physical or verbal, but would be an exaggeration to try and make up a list of behaviours that demonstrate consent. So, it can be wise to turn to behaviours that indicate what non-consent is. Let’s think of some situations:

• A person asks for a condom before sex - at first, this seems to provide consent. However, sometimes people find themselves in a forced situation, where they feel like the only way to get out of it is to go with it. So, they might ask for the condom to protect themselves from sexually transmitted diseases, and not because they are okay with what is happening. 
• A person says ‘’no’’ during the sexual activity - This could be indicative of wanting the sexual activity to stop. But, imagine this ‘’no’’ as a part of a sadist, masochist or role-played sexual intercourse. Then, it would still be consensual, but only after the parties have communicated their intentions and preferences first!
• A person stops participating in a sexual activity - Even if a consensual sexual activity is initiated, the moment one of the parties involved stops, their initial consent stops counting as well, and should be redetermined for the activity to go on.
• Inviting someone at home or in the bedroom - Often we hear people excuse themselves “they invited me over, obviously it was going to happen”. This is an extremely dangerous assumption! Consent is determined at the moment of the sexual activity, or made explicit before, NOT through vague or “hinting” statements. Do not take a hint as a confirmation. 

So, it is evident that context plays an important role in defining consent, thus future research and conversations must take it into consideration. 

In conclusion, 

consent must be present in every sexual relationship and it is suggested to be manifested verbally. When absent, individuals jeopardize their freedom of sexual choice. Be proactive, discuss about consent, spread the word, encourage your friends to read about it and finally, do not forget that you are not alone in case you were sexually harassed or offended. Reach out to friends, family or to your local or national call line dedicated to sexual assault and be strong!

It’s really important that we all learn about consent, so here are some additional resources:

• Book: Learning Good Consent: On Healthy Relationships and Survivor Support, edited by Cindy Crabb
• Instagram page: Link for some tips on how consent can be sexy @cliterallythebest; https://www.instagram.com/p/CKXCuU4hUFs/

References

1. Melany A. Beres (2007) ‘Spontaneous’ Sexual Consent: An Analysis of Sexual Consent Literature, Feminism & Psychology, 17(1), 93-108, DOI: 10.1177/0959353507072914
2. Vasilis Maglaras (2013) Consent and Submission: Aspects of Gramsci’s Theory of the Political and Civil Society, Political Theory & Philosophy, 3(1), 1-8, https://doi.org/10.1177/2158244012472347
3. World Health Organization, Sexual Violence: Prevalence, dynamics and consequences, Chapter 2 https://www.who.int/violence_injury_prevention/resources/publications/en/guidelines_chap2.pdf
4. Diego Lasio, Francesco Serri, Isabella Ibba & João Manuel De Oliveira (2019) Hegemony and Heteronormativity: Homonormative Discourses of LGBTQ Activists About Lesbian and Gay Parenting, Journal of Homosexuality, 66:8, 1058-1081, DOI: 10.1080/00918369.2018.1493252
5. Walker, S.J. (1997) ‘When “No” becomes “Yes”: Why Girls and Women Consent to Unwanted Sex’, Applied and Preventative Psychology 6: 157–66.