This article will cover the following topics:
- What is emotional risk-taking?
- What is the relationship between emotional risk-taking, self-disclosure, trust, and intimacy?
- Why it is hard for people to let themselves engage in emotional risk-taking?
- Self-concept as a predictor of emotional risk-taking.
- Why emotional risk-taking is beneficial in romantic relationships?
What is Emotional risk-taking?
Emotional risk-taking means “placing oneself in an emotionally vulnerable position through cognitive, emotional and behavioral self-expression when the anticipated outcome is unpredictable or undesirable”. And what does it mean to place yourself in an emotionally vulnerable position [1]? It means to be able to acknowledge difficult emotions (e.g., pain, sadness, anxiety, shame, feeling in love), instead of trying to get rid of them or avoiding them. Essentially, to be intentionally and authentically open to emotional exposure regardless of the consequences [8]. Hence, emotional risk-taking in romantic relationships is about being open in experiencing vulnerable emotions when there is no certainty about the way your partner will respond [1].
What is the relationship between emotional risk-taking, self-disclosure, trust, and intimacy?
In the psychological literature, it is mentioned that there is a positive relationship between emotional risk-taking, trust, intimacy, and self-disclosure. This means that when there is trust, intimacy, and self-disclosure between two partners, there is a higher probability that they will engage in emotional risk-taking and vice versa[1].
Self-disclosure is a process of communication by which one person reveals information about themselves to another. The information can include thoughts, feelings, aspirations, goals, failures, successes, fears, and dreams [2]. More specifically, when two lovers use self-disclosure, it is more likely that they will be open to expressing their loving and vulnerable feelings to each other. According to studies, the more the couples engage in self-disclosure, the more self-satisfaction and relationship satisfaction they feel [3].
Trust refers to the fact that one believes their partner will behave in ways that are beneficial to the relationship and offer feelings of safety and openness. Trust between two lovers is fundamental. According to Reena B. Patel, this is explained by the fact that trust goes hand in hand with essential components of a relationship, such as honesty, open communication, vulnerability, and respect. The more the two partners trust each other, the more they will open up about their feelings and they will “let themselves feel” vulnerable feelings.
Intimacy is "a perception of closeness to another that allows sharing of personal feelings, accompanied by expectations of understanding, affirmation, and demonstrations of caring” [4]. Intimacy research suggests that couples who communicate their private thoughts have an increased willingness to compromise, offer support, and acquire genuine concern for each other’s psychological wellbeing. The sense of intimacy between two people is improved by self-disclosure, resulting in a willingness to engage in emotional risk-taking [1].
Overall, it is clear by now that all three factors (self-disclosure, trust, and intimacy) actively influence and reinforce each other in a positive or negative way, and hence they affect how ready we are to be engaged in emotional risk-taking. When we are afraid to trust, open up, and get closer to our partner, we will be less willing to be exposed to our vulnerable emotions!
Why is it hard for people to let themselves engage in emotional risk-taking?
Truth be told, it is not uncommon for people to avoid recognizing and expressing their vulnerable feelings to themselves or to their partners, or to feel them at all. However, it doesn't mean they aren’t there… they are instead suppressed and not cognitively processed. The reasons we sometimes prefer to bottle up our emotions, instead of engaging in emotional risk-taking can vary, but they all seem to stem from a fear of vulnerability. Some of the most important reasons are mentioned above:
- A reason why people do not engage in emotional risk-taking is because they want to protect themselves from a negative/ fearful reaction, evaluation, or rejection [1]. More precisely, they are afraid that if they express their feelings to their partners, they could be rejected, judged, unseen, and humiliated. Moreover, there is the fear that the other person does not feel the same and that he/she will not reciprocate the same feelings. This could result in a threat to their self-concept and self-esteem. For example, they might think that they are not good enough, if they do not feel desired and loved by their lovers. In this way, they prefer to protect themselves by not being exposed to emotional risk-taking and consequently, to their deeper fears. Undoubtedly, romantic rejection and loss are hurtful, and therefore certain individuals prefer self-protective strategies.
- Feelings of guilt and shame obstacle people to engage in emotional risk-taking. Guilt and shame reflect individual self-concerns and have the potential to make lovers build up their walls and defenses, which in turn, would make emotional risk-taking more difficult. Feelings of guilt are associated with doing a bad thing, while shame is linked to feeling like a bad person. When people lose their positive self-image, they develop strategies to avoid further damage, meaning that they can avoid others. For example, shameful people frequently will not make eye contact or express their feelings. In this way, they do not engage in emotional risk-taking, since they avoid whatever would make them feel inferior. Hence, intimacy and self-disclosure are undermined because if a person gets to know the ashamed individual well, then they will get to know all their fears, and then all those fears and vulnerabilities will be activated [1].
- Culture makes some people more willing to involve in emotional risk-taking. Barnlund (1975), argued that the Japanese “are more formal and cautious in expressing themselves and that they communicate less openly and freely” compared to Americans. People in Western lands are more concerned with self-expression, and they strive to express themselves, whereas people in Eastern lands try to keep the harmony of a group that they are in, and hence, they might think that talking about their personal issues would break that harmony and hurt the feelings of people around them [3].
Self-concept as a predictor of emotional risk-taking.
Self-concept is how we perceive ourselves, behaviors, abilities, and unique characteristics. For example, beliefs such as "I am a good friend”, “I am a kind person", or “I am competent”. Self-concept refers to self-conception and not to self-esteem. Studies have shown that the more consistent, stable, and positive our self-concept is, the more willing we are to engage in self-disclosure and emotional risk-taking. On the other hand, if our self-concept is vulnerable and depends on how others respond to us, the less willing we are to emotionally expose ourselves because we want to protect us from getting hurt [6].
Why emotional risk-taking is beneficial in romantic relationships?
- When people are willing to engage in emotional risk-taking, they probably expose their vulnerable side. Sharing with their partner their feelings can motivate them to feel more compassion and empathy for each other and less disappointment in the relationship.
- When people expose their vulnerabilities, they show trust in their partners. This could encourage lovers to open up, use self-disclosure, and feel more comfortable. Trust deepens intimacy and secure attachment styles.
- People in relationships who take greater emotional risks often enjoy a closer bond with their partner and feel more confident in all their relationships. Studies have shown that for both men and women, the secure attachment style was associated with greater relationship interdependence, commitment, trust, and satisfaction than were the anxious or avoidant attachment styles. The anxious and avoidant styles were associated with less frequent positive emotions and more frequent negative emotions in the relationship [7].
Note from the author: Emotional risk-taking in romantic relationships can be stressful and challenging for many of us. We are challenged to come in touch with our vulnerable sides, thoughts, feelings, and weaknesses. On the other hand, we are challenged to be our authentic selves, to be in the present moment, and to build a stronger self-concept that is dependent on ourselves and not on how others respond to us. Additionally, through emotionally risk-taking, we can build a more intimate, strong, original, and secure bond with our partners, as well as can realize if we are on the same wavelength and how we can have a healthier relationship.
References
[1]. Turnbull, K. B. (2019). Emotional Risk-Taking in Romantic Relationships by.
[2]. Ignatius, E., & Kokkonen, M. (2007). Factors contributing to verbal self-disclosure. Nordic Psychology, 59(4), 362–391. https://doi.org/10.1027/1901-2276.59.4.362
[3]. Kito, M. (2005). Self-disclosure in romantic relationships and friendships among american and japanese college students. Journal of Social Psychology, 145(2), 127–140. https://doi.org/10.3200/SOCP.145.2.127-140
[4]. Wong DW, Hall KR, Justice CA, Wong L (2014). Counseling Individuals Through the Lifespan. Sage Publications. p. 326. ISBN 978-1483322032.
[5] Sinclair VG, Dowdy SW. Development and Validation of the Emotional Intimacy Scale. Journal of Nursing Measurement . 13(3).
[6]. Tajmirriyahi, M., & Ickes, W. (2020). Self-concept clarity as a predictor of self-disclosure in romantic relationships. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 37(6), 1873–1891. https://doi.org/10.1177/0265407520911131
[7]. Simpson, J. A. (1990). Influence of attachment styles on romantic relationships. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 59(5), 971–980. https://doi-org.proxy.library.uu.nl/10.1037/0022-3514.59.5.971
[8]. Wignall, N. (2020). Emotional Vulnerability: What It Is and Why It Matters. Emotional Intelligence. http://nickwignall.com/emotional-vulnerability/.
Additionally resources:
Trust in a Relationship: Why It's Important—and How to Build It (thehealthy.com)
What Is Intimacy in a Relationship? (verywellmind.com)
https://drtammynelson.com/emotional-risk-taking-creates-better-relationships/