This article will cover the following points:

• What is emotional abuse?
• Gender (a)symmetry
• What factors contribute to it?
• What are the consequences?

What is it?

Emotional or psychological abuse is the most common type of Intimate Partner Violence [1]. It includes behaviors such as threats, humiliation, coerciveness, manipulative control, ridiculing and isolation [2].  Essentially, it represents all those patterns of behavior that consistently aim at destroying the “inner self” of the partner, hence their ideas, values, feelings and personality [13]. In some countries, such as Denmark and the UK, psychological abuse is punished by law. Yet, it is very hard to prove it in court, and many other countries still fail to recognize it as a serious health-related problem.

There are many definitions of emotional abuse; in the figures below are listed some of its severe warning signs. It is important to note that these comments must be contextualized: for example, in sexual situations such as BDSM or role-play, these behaviors need not be abusive at all, but rather an expression of a sexual preference.  

Other warning signs can include name-calling, insults, lying, deceiving, withdrawal, physical confinement or threats of harm or death.

As previously mentioned, emotional abuse is the most frequent type of intimate partner violence. The National Intimate Partner and Sexual Violence Survey indicates that about half of Americans report experiencing some sort of psychological abuse during their lifetime. Indeed, prevalence rates are extremely high, averaging around 80%[5]. Moreover, its exposure is being more and more documented at a younger age, especially among adolescents in middle and high school [4]!

Hence, learning about psychological abuse is critical, to elucidate the processes of relationship abuse, its consequence on well-being and subsequent intimate relationships and lastly to develop appropriate therapeutic practices. 

Gender (a)symmetry? 

To date, most research on psychological abuse in intimate partners relationships has focused on the victimization of women and girls, rather than that of men. However, an increasing body of evidence highlights how women emotionally abuse their male partners just as much as men do. Sometimes, female perpetration during adolescence exceeds that of males [4]. Some researchers suggest that the current change in gender roles is slowly shifting the nature of intimate relationships dynamics in society, where women feel they have a voice. However, the goal should not be to reach gender equality in psychological abuse, but rather eradicate it completely!

One reason for the lack of focus to this gender symmetry is due to the huge attention devoted to end physical abuse against women, which led to mistakenly assume that psychological abuse works the same way. Another reason is that of toxic masculinity: the notion of men as dominators, limiting the space and validation of feelings [14]. Men might not feel safe enough to report emotional abuse, as it is enormously stigmatized and ignored [4]. Along with this, men tend to disclose less about their intimate relationships in comparison to girls, which means  keeping the problem within the relationship without seeking for help [4]. This is possibly due to a fear of judgement from society, perpetuating the idea that men comply with stereotypes in order to avoid being called out as “weak”.

Although engagement rates of emotional abuse are similar, the reasons and consequences are still gender asymmetric. In many cases, psychological abuse by women is a defense to sexual aggression, known as violent resistance [8]. Here, it is hard to establish whether this behavior counts as emotional abuse, or simply as self-defense. Moreover, even when a woman is the perpetrator, her vulnerability to retaliation by men increases, and if physical abuse happens, it is almost always against her [5]. These dynamics perpetuate the role of patriarchal power relations and posit a serious concern for both the physical and mental health of men and women.

What factors contribute to emotional abuse?

As for every kind of behavior, pinpointing the specific causes is very hard to do. Yet, there are a multitude of contributing factors that can increase the likelihood of being an emotional abuser. A study by Murphy and Hoover (1999) linked specific facets of emotional abuse, similar to the ones mentioned above, to interpersonal problems, social desirability and attachment styles [2]. The interpersonal problems that emerged were being domineering and vindictive, indicating that people high in these traits are more likely to psychologically abuse their partners by dominating and forcing them into doing something. Another interesting finding linked abusers to impression management, a strategy to increase one’s social desirability by giving inflated self-descriptions. In relation to attachment styles, emotional abusers seem to seek high proximity, have a high separation anxiety and a great fear of loss of the partner. Perhaps, their irrational fear of losing the other is maladaptively expressed through abusing them [2, 3]. 

Another significant predictor for both perpetration and victimization of emotional abuse is childhood maltreatment [12]. Indeed, individuals with a history of parental and family abuse are three times more likely to be involved in adolescent dating violence and adult domestic violence. As children grow up to be teenagers, they develop poor interpersonal adjustment (e.g., hostility, mistrust, frustration) and personal resources (e.g., low self-esteem, problem-solving, perception of reality). As a result, dating becomes harder, and patterns of behaviors internalized as a child are displayed in the relationship.  

Overall, it seems that interpersonal problems and attachment styles stemming from a person’s upbringing can lead to emotionally abusing an intimate partner. 

What are the consequences?

Emotional abuse is a health-related issue. Psychologically traumatic experiences, like that of emotional intimate partner violence, lead to an early deterioration of both physical and mental health [6]. Victims of chronically abusive relationships often show a mental crisis because they are unable to sustain the stress placed upon them, and this may continue even in the absence of stressors [10]. 

As a matter of fact, emotional abuse strongly predicts three scenarios: a shift to physical abuse, post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) and depression [7, 9]. Indeed, it is the strongest predictor for physical abuse, and unfortunately its secrecy preserves and worsens violence in the relationship. For this reason, it is extremely important to raise awareness about emotional abuse and its warning signs!

In regard to PTSD and depression, there are various factors contributing to their development and maintenance [10]. Victims enter a state of fear or hopelessness, which affect their everyday functioning, resulting in three main symptoms: 

·      Internal turmoil - the person experiences lower self-worth (“I am worthless”), and may develop a negative affect, which reflects pessimism and hopelessness with regards to the future.

·      Interpersonal affect - involves how the person views and behaves towards past, present and future relationships. Relational damaging factors, such as withdrawal and inability to commit or be intimate with a new partner are very common. Also, loneliness and abandonment can occur. 

·      Dysfunctional coping - reflects maladaptive coping mechanisms engaged by the person to overcome the stress. For example, the person might develop anger issues or turn to alcohol and drug abuse [10].

Clearly, a systematic exposure to an emotionally abusive environment deeply crushes a person’s self-worth and soul. 

Luckily, in the long-term, these experiences can be transformed into strength and empowerment [10]. Essentially, people develop positive attitudes towards themselves and others, which mitigate feelings of powerlessness, depression and fear [11]. Therapy, social support groups and personal resources, such as positivity, fuel this process of self-growth. Victims are able to reflect on their abusive relationships, often realizing they are wholesome and deserving of a kind and healthy love. Thus, redemption is possible, improving mental health, overall well-being and life-satisfaction.

Raise awareness and inform yourself!

·      Ted Talk: The difference between healthy and unhealthy love https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ON4iy8hq2hM

·      Ted Talk: Psychological abuse https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9fYyVUXFZ3U

·      Youtube Video: What emotional abuse does to your brain https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GtylGSPIas0

·      Ted Talk: Suffering in silence: The emotional abuse of men https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xyIQFI865_w

References

1.     Carney, M. M., & Barner, J. R. (2012). Prevalence of partner abuse: Rates of emotional abuse and control. Partner Abuse, 3(3), 286-335.

2.     Murphy, C. M., & Hoover, S. A. (1999). Measuring emotional abuse in dating relationships as a multifactorial construct. Violence and victims, 14(1), 39-53.

3.     Bond, S. B., & Bond, M. (2004). Attachment styles and violence within couples. The Journal of nervous and mental disease, 192(12), 857-863.

4.     Williams, J. R., Ghandour, R. M., & Kub, J. E. (2008). Female perpetration of violence in heterosexual intimate relationships: Adolescence through adulthood. Trauma, Violence, & Abuse, 9(4), 227-249.

5.     Karakurt, G., & Silver, K. E. (2013). Emotional abuse in intimate relationships: The role of gender and age. Violence and victims, 28(5), 804-821.

6.     Follingstad, D. R., Brennan, A. F., Hause, E. S., Polek, D. S., & Rutledge, L. L. (1991). Factors moderating physical and psychological symptoms of battered women. Journal of Family Violence, 6(1), 81-95.

7.     Murphy, K. A., & Smith, D. I. (2010). Adolescent girls’ responses to warning signs of abuse in romantic relationships: Implications for youth-targeted relationship violence prevention. Journal of Interpersonal Violence, 25(4), 626-647.

8.     Sims, C. D. L. (2008). Invisible wounds, invisible abuse: The exclusion of emotional abuse in newspaper articles. Journal of Emotional Abuse, 8(4), 375-402.

9.     Mechanic, M. B., Weaver, T. L., & Resick, P. A. (2008). Mental health consequences of intimate partner abuse: A multidimensional assessment of four different forms of abuse. Violence against women, 14(6), 634-654.

10.  Orzeck, T. L., Rokach, A., & Chin, J. (2010). The effects of traumatic and abusive relationships. Journal of loss and trauma, 15(3), 167-192.

11.  Song, L. Y. (2012). Service utilization, perceived changes of self, and life satisfaction among women who experienced intimate partner abuse: The mediation effect of empowerment. Journal of Interpersonal Violence, 27(6), 1112-1136.

12.  Wolfe, D. A., Wekerle, C., Scott, K., Straatman, A. L., & Grasley, C. (2004). Predicting abuse in adolescent dating relationships over 1 year: the role of child maltreatment and trauma. Journal of abnormal psychology, 113(3), 406

13.  Loring, M. T. (1994). Emotional abuse. Lexington Books/Macmillan.

14.  Elliott, K. (2018). Challenging toxic masculinity in schools and society. On the Horizon.