Cold weather, warm feelings, mulled wine and cinnamon buns are ways to describe the winter holidays. For most people, this period is the perfect time to surround themselves with loved ones but for others can be unsettling. Some people can perceive the winter holidays as overwhelming and cause anxiety. To gain a better understanding of why these feelings might arise and how to deal with them you can read the following article.
The article contains:
- Why this topic?
- Why this "forced happiness"?
- Self Managing strategies
Why this topic?
For some people winter holidays translate into adventures in the Alps or spending time with family. The embrace of family and friends can be settling, as they can recharge us of the emotional strength we need for the new year ahead. Of course this is lovely, and ideal, but winter holidays can also end up being a predicament for those who do not have this opportunity. People who live abroad and cannot travel to visit family, who are estranged from their families or simply do not get along. So while some of us can't wait for the holidays, other people might be dreading this difficult moment.
Winter holiday-related stress can affect mood, anxiety, and depression. In extreme cases it can also concern suicide. Research conducted in Austria by Martin Plöderl [1] shows that, while on Christmas week there are fewer suicides, there is clear peak on New Year's day compared to the rest of the year (see table 1). We know that this day brings mixed feelings to must of us, but it's important to know that for some it represents utmost pain. We can start to prevent and/or cope with these issue by checking in with ourselves and our loved ones during these times.
The holiday period can come with a certain level of “forced happiness” [2]. The reason it is called forced is because it is excessively exhibited everywhere. From streets with fairy lights, Christmas carols, to commercial narratives that tell you the emotions you “should” experience. These types of displays can backlash, as they impose a standard that cannot be met by everyone. Many of us might end up feeling the fear of not fitting into this “emotional regime” [2].
Why this "forced happiness"?
Christmas is frenetic. Parents are stressed to buy kids' gifts, everyone is rushing to the shops, planning the dinner menu, balancing between family and figuring out what to do for New Year's eve. All these overwhelming tasks contribute into making us think that it will be all worth it.
The pressure of a perfect Christmas and of New Year’s does not solely rely on the tradition of delicious dinners, but it extends to the assumption of an ideal family, surrounded by the perfect atmosphere, and a resolution list for the new me. People estimate that their happiness will increase during holidays [3], but the expectation to be happy tend to be extrinsically motivated or self-imposed. Extrinsically, it can be motivated by family and friends, social media or advertisements. Or it is self-imposed based on the memory of past holidays and future wishes. All of these emotional states drive people to create the winter fantasy they want.
Of course, these expectations might also be there for people who unfortunately cannot then meet their family, or who then struggle to enjoy their time with them.
One theory that can explain why some people might fail to meet their holiday expectations is the Fantasy Realisation Theory [4]. It states that when people are contrasting their fantasies about the desired future with reality it will give them a boost to act towards that fantasy, but it will also create realistic expectations about it actually coming true.
Fantasy realisation theory distinguishes between two types of thinking: expectations and free fantasies. Expectations are beliefs about the possibility of a behaviour or event to occur based on prior experience. Free fantasies represent the desired thoughts about the future independent of past experience, independently of how likely the fantasy is to occur. People allow themselves to live these events in the mind's eye because it brings them satisfaction and motivates them to pursue in that direction. Research argues that if these free fantasies are not paired with a healthy dose of reality (by practising for instance mental contrasting) it is likely that the fantasies will not bring the individual to the desired outcome. Future expectations of a perfect holiday can be jeopardised by people's thinking patterns - we all have this idea of something crazy, but it rarely ends up being like that!
What can we do to stay grounded and check in with ourselves (and our loved ones)?
Self Managing strategies
Here are some tips :)
- Take moments to create deep connections with people around you.
- Plan in time and prioritise the activities that are strictly necessary. If unpredictability strikes it is important to keep an open mind and understand that life can just happen. Not everything must look like a Hallmark card! Try to keep a positive attitude and remind yourself of the important things. Constantly adapting to new situations with a positive attitude can help in the long term to rewire your brain to actually become calm and think more positively 7.
- Another piece of advice is to focus on the blessings rather than on the minor inconveniences by keeping a holiday gratitude journal. (Christmas Activities and Gratitude Journal FREEBIE | TpT (teacherspayteachers.com) Can be downloaded from here. Or simply create your own.
- Measure or practice awareness in regard to your food intake.
- Listen to your favourite Mariah Carey song …jk ..listen to your favourite music.
- If you are abroad, technology can create a sense of closeness if used smartly. So instead of scrolling on social media, and catching “Facebook depression” 8 you can video call your family and friends instead. Have virtual coffee with your bestie and cook dinner with your mom!
- Most importantly manage your expectation and holiday goals by contrasting them with reality. This will help you balance your plans and expectations and make you realise what is feasible to achieve while staying enthusiastic about the plans. See mental contrasting 9.
Do Woop Exercise:(“The Scientifically Validated Exercise to Make Your Dreams a Reality”) → WOOP: Gabriele Oettingen's Scientifically Validated Dream-Realization Exercise | Mindful Ambition
To watch:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HJK9Vv9f9T4 - A video where a girl Olivia explains why what you feel is valid
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nVQFN_ylUgM - Quick tips
https://www.prnewswire.co.uk/news-releases/mental-health-at-christmas-301695681.html - Article that Talks about Mental Health at Christmas
References:
- Martin Plöderl, Clemens Fartacek, Sabine Kunrath, Eva-Maria Pichler, Reinhold Fartacek, Christian Datz, David Niederseer, Nothing like Christmas—suicides during Christmas and other holidays in Austria, European Journal of Public Health, Volume 25, Issue 3, June 2015, Pages 410–413, https://doi.org/10.1093/eurpub/cku169
- Khodus, H. V. (2015). Forced happiness as a modern socio and cultural imperative. Anthropological Measurements of Philosophical Research, (8), 64-73.
- Dfarhud, D., Malmir, M., & Khanahmadi, M. (2014). Happiness & health: the biological factors-systematic review article. Iranian journal of public health, 43(11), 1468.
- Oettingen, G. (1996). Positive fantasy and motivation. In P M. Gollwitzer & J. A. Bargh (Eds.), The psychology of action: Linking cognition and Motivation to behavior (pp. 236-259). New York: Guilford.
- Story, M. The Trifecta of “Holiday Overwhelm” & The Three-Pronged Strategy to “Holiday Joy”.
- The Cost of Not Paying Attention | AMA (amanet.org)
- Arden, J. B. (2010). Rewire your brain: Think your way to a better life. John Wiley & Sons.
- Walton, A. G. (6). Ways social media affects our mental health. A Run Down of Social Medias Effects on our Mental Health.
- Kappes, A., Singmann, H., & Oettingen, G. (2012). Mental contrasting instigates goal pursuit by linking obstacles of reality with instrumental behavior. Journal of Experimental Social Psychology, 48(4), 811-818.